Ordinary, common grief
by Jotter
Summary: Adam is sent back to Tring under order from Harry. How does he cope being in the psych tank this time round?


**Disclaimer: **I don't own, nor claim to own, anything to do with Spooks - that honour belongs to the people at Kudos and the BBC. I'm just borrowing a couple of their characters and having a little play around with them. I promise they'll be nice and clean when I give them back.

**Other bits and bobs: **This jumped into my brain as I was typing away on the Spooks Forum (great place, btw!). Please R&R :)

**Ordinary, common grief**

Adam didn't even attempt to smuggle his phones in with him this time. He walked up the long drive and pushed open the heavy wooden doors, defeated. The receptionist looked up as he entered and placed his bag onto her table.

"Mr Carter" she smiled "welcome back". Adam looked at her and managed the briefest of smiles in return. The woman talked as though she worked in a Hilton Hotel and was welcoming a regular traveller, not a psychiatric hospital for mission-damaged spooks.

"do you have any mobile phones with you, Adam?" she asked. Adam shook his head and she gave him a sceptical look.

"No, I don't. No phones, no laptop - nothing. I'm all yours". The woman nodded.

"We'll show you to your room then" she stood up and beckoned for Adam to follow her. "Hopefully your stay with us will be more… satisfying this time?" she asked over her shoulder. Adam snorted.

"Will I get a discount and extra Nectar points on my third visit if it isn't?" he replied, to which the receptionist just gave him a look of pity mixed with despair.

"We will get you better, Mr Carter" she said seriously, stopping outside a room and standing in the doorway.

"Oh, jolly good" Adam replied, gesturing inside. "This me?" The woman nodded with a sigh. "I'd best get unpacked and settled in then, what time is the first activity? I'd hate to miss dominos for all" he turned to look at her, trying to keep the disgust he felt at having been sent back to such a ridiculous place off of his face.

"Dinner is at 7pm Mr Carter" she replied, giving him one last look before heading back downstairs.

Adam dropped his bag and sat heavily on his single bed, which stood against the far wall. He looked around and sighed. It was like being back at university, only less exciting. The room was small, modest, and painted all white apart from a few non-committal, non-offensive pieces of art in neat silver frames on the walls. The bathroom which was through another door on the other side of the room was simple; a shower, toilet and a sink. All white. More artwork. Wooden floor. The bedroom carpet was a soft cream and felt worn under his feet. The bed which he sat on had a neat pale green duvet on it, the same shade as the lampshade. The sun shone in through the large window, which had a wooden blind over it the same precise shade of natural wood as the rest of the furniture. The place screamed of trying to come across as 'safe and welcoming' - and it irritated Adam no end. Ignoring the unpacking for a moment he stood up and placed himself in front of the window, which looked out over the large, tree filled gardens. He begrudgingly admitted that it was a very peaceful place. Would've made a lovely country house style hotel. Instead, it was a government-run mansion full of drugged up ex-heroes. He sighed and ran a hand through his hair. Time to unpack. He unzipped his bag and pulled out the picture of Wes and Fiona he'd brought with him. He looked at it before placing it on the simple square bedside table. He then took out each item of clothing he'd packed and hung them up in the wardrobe. Once he'd unpacked his toiletries, he say back on the bed.

"What do I do now then?" he asked himself quietly. His mind was still careering along at lightning speed and he longed to have something to do, something productive, useful. "I'm going to mad in here, Fi" he said quietly to the picture to his left.

"Isn't that why you're here?" he heard a voice in the doorway and turned to see who had invaded his privacy. It was Paul, the same man who'd been here last time. He was smiling.

"Paul" Adam stood up and walked over to the other man, reaching his hand out. "Still here then?" he asked, simply through a lack of anything else.

"Yeah…but they say I should be OK to leave soon though" Paul replied.

"that's good news, hopefully I wont be here too long either" Adam replied, Paul nodded.

"Fancy a game of pool?" he asked then "…if you're all unpacked?"

"I'm surprised they allow us to be near big wooden sticks like that - unless, they're not made of rubber are they?" Adam joked. Paul didn't laugh and Adam mentally slapped himself.

"The people are good here, Adam y'know. They'll help you if you let them" he said then so quietly Adam had to strain to hear him, despite the fact that he was walking along side him in the narrow corridor. Adam said nothing but instead concentrated on watching the patterns in the floorboards as he walked. "Come on then, Carter - let's see what you're made of" Paul said then as they entered the games room.

"Just like being back at uni" Adam thought, choosing his cue from the rack on the wall.

Dinner was an uneventful affair. A few of his other 'inmates' (as Adam thought of them) glanced up at his arrival. Some showed signs of shock at seeing such a famous face in their midst. Others, Adam could make out, showed signs of relief. '_If it's even got to the great Adam Carter, then I must be alright' _He could practically read their thoughts they were being so obvious - and it unnerved him. He walked with Paul to the serving area and glanced at the menu. Uncomplicated, simple choices. Nothing too dangerous. Shepherd's Pie. Lasagne. Fish and Chips. It was just all so safe that Adam couldn't help but wonder if the people in here ever had to use their brains to make a challenging decision. He selected the Lasagne and sat with Paul to eat his meal, considering this thought. Maybe all the people here had forgotten how to use their minds - what if after all the torture, all the pain and all the drugs, their ability to make decisions or deal with a varied choice had totally diminished? It terrified Adam that he'd one day not be able to use his mind to his full potential. He ate his dinner in silence.

He pretended not to see as, once they'd finished eating, people would walk to a small room to one side of the dining hall and collect their evening medication. He nodded politely and focused solely on his cup of tea when Paul excused himself to do the same.

Although not quite dominos, the evening 'time space' left Adam totally under whelmed. The inmates that didn't retire to their rooms relocated to a large sitting room type space, where games of chess were resumed, packs of cards were shuffled and the well-thumbed books were taken from the shelves once more. Adam left them to it and found himself walking alone around the large mansion. In his last visit, he'd refused to use any kind of facility they'd offered him, bar a bed and a meal. This time he figured he may as well do it properly. He took in the corridors, the kitchens and even poked his head into some of the bedrooms. It made him shiver how some of the rooms so obviously belonged to long-term inmates. They'd made them home. He passed by a couple of people and nodded politely. He found himself wondering where it would be best to place bugging devices, where it would be easiest to form an escape route from. His mind would not relax. He walked around and contemplated going outside to see the grounds lit up at night before he came to a large double door. He pulled open one side of it and found himself unexpectedly standing in the middle of a gym. A huge range of equipment stood neatly spaced out. Rowers, bikes, treadmills, cross trainers. Top of the range, expensive equipment. Adam smiled.

"Only the best for the broken" he muttered to himself before sniffing the air. He could smell chlorine. Unbelieving, he headed across to where another corridor split from the room. Pushing open another door, he found himself on the side of an Olympic sized, heated swimming pool. The sight of so much water briefly made his head spin. He'd only been close to death by drowning once, but once was by far enough for him. He shuddered, remembering the feeling of his lungs tightening and burning as his breath ran out. He still kept the piece of metal that had saved his and Ros's life in his pocket. It wasn't often in his job that he could pin point the exact thing that had saved his life. He held it dear as a reminder that he'd been that close… and survived. Adam stood on the side of the pool for a long time, just watching the ripples that the filters created on the surface. All of this… luxury. Heated pool, gym, large gardens, physiotherapy on tap… it was all for people like him so that they could try and work out their problems in peace and come out the other side a better, healed person. Adam felt a little overwhelmed - he was only here because he was still on the planet, and someone that he loved more than anything in the world wasn't. He had post traumatic stress disorder, that was it. He wasn't here because he'd been tortured for months on end by the Taliban, or constantly dodging the bullets and missiles of war for years. But still, Harry had sent him here to recover. For the first time, Adam felt a small sensation of being grateful for that.

Tbc...

**_Go on, press that review button... :oD_**


End file.
